


a crush isn’t just pounding something into small fragments

by purple_umbrella



Category: Gintama
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-05 18:41:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16372967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purple_umbrella/pseuds/purple_umbrella
Summary: Sometimes, it’s entirely more complicated than that.Or, in which Kagura discovers shojo manga and is pretty sure that she has a crush. Only, she isn’t quite sure why ‘cause the stupid sadist isn’t really worthy of her time.





	a crush isn’t just pounding something into small fragments

**Author's Note:**

> *waves nervously at fandom*
> 
> Hey, there. I've recently become obsessed with this couple, and this is my first time trying my hand at writing them. And with constructive criticism and such, I hope to write more and improve.

She kept in step with Soyo, and to any passersby they might’ve looked like a pair of school girls taking a leisurely stroll. Like two normal girls in Edo, not the self-proclaimed Queen of the Kabuki District and an actual princess.  
  
“This is so nice,” Soyo sighed, lifting her face toward the sun. “There’s just one more thing I want to do.”  
  
Kagura turned on her heel to face the crop of officers tailing them.  
  
“Oi, tax robbers. Can we make one more stop?”  
  
Hijikata exhaled, dropped the cigarette to the ground and stubbed it with the heel of his shoe. “S’fine. Lead the way, girls.”  
  
Kagura spun back around, purple parasol twirling on her shoulder, and followed her friend into the konbini. Her eyes lingered on the packaged snacks, but she followed her friend to the rows and rows of unbroken spines.  
  
She could probably pick Gin up the new issue of JUMP, if she were the thoughtful type. Instead, she watched Soyo’s eyes widen as the princess plucked manga from the shelf. On the cover, a smiling boy in glasses was standing back-to-back with a girl with flowing flaxen hair.  
  
Her nose crinkled. Through a stick of sukonbu hanging between her lips, she asked, “Why’re they standing like that?”  
  
A teetering laugh escaped Soyo’s lips. “It’s shojo.”  
  
“Shojo?”  
  
“Yeah. Romance, Kagura. You know.”  
  
She nodded, even though she hadn’t the faintest idea. So, she plucked another from the shelf and made a face.  
  
“ _Hate-Hate-Love-sama_?” Kagura’s eyes went round. “What is this, Soyo?”  
  
“ _Oh_ , that’s a popular one.”  
  
And so Kagura skimmed the pages, confusion weighing on her brow. She might’ve been useless when it came to things like romance, but this was so far from what she imagined. She couldn’t stop herself from asking, “Girls like this?”  
  
“Yeah. Sure.”  
  
“But this guy is really mean to this poor heroine.”  
  
Sogo nodded sagely. “The boys are always pretty awful to the girls at first. They insult them and act really arrogant, but that’s the best part, see? It’s because, secretly, they’re in love with them.”  
  
Kagura squinted. “Huh? So girls who read this want guys to be mean to them on purpose?”  
  
“Ah, not exactly.” Sogo drummed a finger on her chin, lost in thought. “Hasn’t anyone ever told you that if a guy tugs on your hair or knocks you into the dirt that it’s because they have a crush on you?”

Kagura tossed the manga back on the shelf and scoffed. She hadn’t been told anything of the sort, but she decided that girls who read Shojo were a bit touched in the head.  
  
When the Shinsengumi escorted the princess back to her castle, Kagura headed the opposite direction. The sun was on its descent, so she closed her parasol and walked. The sun tossed jagged shade over the winding river, and she chewed another piece of pickled seaweed and debated whether she should head back to Odd Jobs or extend her walk.  
  
And that’s when she spotted him snoozing on a park bench, red sleep mask covering his eyes.  
  
Kagura couldn’t say why, exactly, but she couldn’t just--what was the expression again?--let sleeping dogs lie. Especially not when it came to punk chihuahuas.  
  
It was too tempting when he was just lying there, and with a grin that stretched the corners of her mouth and made her teeth gleam in the setting sun, she lifted her umbrella to fire a shot.  
  
“Go away, China. I’m working.”  
  
Okita was the only person she knew who could and would, frankly, play these sorts of games with her. To fight her with both childish insults and his fists. He was also the only person she knew who could sense her coming with a sleep mask over his eyes.

With the tip of her umbrella, Kagura lifted one corner of the mask to reveal a red eye staring back at her. Unflinching. Jaded.

 _Bored_.

“Working hard as ever, I see. Maybe I ought to be a police officer so I can snooze on the job.”  
  
“You wouldn’t last a day in the Shinsengumi, China.” There wasn’t a laugh in his features or his tone, but she could sense that he was joking with her.  
  
“What’s so hard about it? If they let an idiot like you in...” One of her brows lifted, and she planted her fists on her slim hips.  
  
He exhaled. “I can only explain it to you; I can't understand it for you.”  
  
“Explain what to me, idiot?”  
  
“I’m not sure I could explain anything to you. I’m fresh out of crayons, for starters.” One of his hands settled on the hilt of his sword. His other rested lazily behind his head. In what was left of the fading sunlight, his sandy hair looked a bit-- Kagura tightened her jaw.  
  
“I think maybe _you’re_ the one too dumb to explain things to _me_.” Her blue eyes were round, her tone haughty. “After all, people like you are the reason they have to put directions on shampoo bottles.”  
  
“Is your arse jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth?”

When she didn’t have an insult, she kicked him off the bench. He landed on his feet, and for the first time that day a slow smile tugged at one corner of his mouth.  
  
And there, in the middle of the park as the sun sank lower beneath the horizon and the streetlights of Edo began to switch on, they fought.  
  
Okita tugged her hair. He knocked her into the dirt. And Kagura froze, her eyes wide. When it was her turn to charge, she took a shaky step backward and Sougo hesitated.

“What’s wrong with you, China? You broken?”  
  
She swallowed the dryness in her throat, took two more steps backward before turning and breaking into a sprint. Not stopping until she was at the bookstore, buying a copy of shojo manga to fill in some of the blanks scrambling her brain.  
  
Okita stared after her, a puzzled expression on his features.  
  
It was nearly dark now and his shift was up, so he sheathed his sword and muttered to the empty park, “Must be on her period.”

…….  
  
Kagura stuffed the manga under her pillow and frowned at the ceiling of the closet. The bulk of _Hate-Hate-Love-sama_ craned her neck, but it wasn’t nearly as uncomfortable as the weight settling on her chest. Pressing into her ribcage and making her insides uncomfortable.

She’d read the shojo manga and came to the horrifying confusion that Okita Sougo, First Division Captain of the Shinsengumi, had a crush on her.

When she woke up, she tried to go about her day. She used the meager funds she’d manage to scramble together to buy pickled seaweed. She took Sadaharu on a walk. And when she walked by the park, she found Okita with a forearm rested on one of his long legs, and the discomfort twisting her insides magnified.

They fought--at first by trading insults, and then with their fists.  
  
When she was on an Odd Jobs run and they tangled with the Shinsengumi, she spat at him. When he was blocking traffic on her way to visit Soyo one afternoon, she kicked his legs out from under him and kept on her way.

And it didn’t take her long to realize that the odd feeling she got whenever he was near wasn’t because she’d eaten anything particularly funny. No. She realized she was just as bad as those stupid heroines in shojo. She had a crush.

It made sense, she reasoned. He wasn’t much older than her. He was… not the worst looking human she’d come across. And despite his faults, he kept her on her toes. With his skill behind a sword and his twisted sense of humor, he certainly managed to keep up with her.  
  
She wasn’t ever going to confess to the stupid tax robbing Super Sadist. But, honestly, having a crush made her feel human. Made her feel like a regular girl with regular emotions, and it was kind of refreshing.  
  
Only, it was also sort of weird. Suddenly she found herself taking the long way back from the konbini so she could catch sight of the Shinsengumi practicing swings with their wooden swords out front. She liked seeing his eyes narrowed in concentration, a light sheen of sweat on his brow.  
  
She’d walk past his park in the early afternoon to kick him off a park bench and call him names. She knew where he picked up Mayora’s takeout, and sometimes she’d manage to pass him and try to trip him on his way out. He’d smirk, she’d give an innocently timed blink, and he’d say something like, “Careful, China. It’s starting to look like you’re stalking me.”  
  
And she definitely, definitely wasn’t stalking him.

No. She’d just fancy a stroll outside the Snack Smile when she knew the Shinsengumi would be there. Hide outside their headquarters, ducked behind the waste bins when--

With a groan, Kagura leaned her head back against one of the cans and scrubbed a hand over her face. It was official. She was no better than the gorilla--a pathetic, mouth-breathing stalker. 

“Sougo’s in a better mood than usual,” a male voice carried out in the dark, followed by a chorus of chortles.

“It’s probably just that little Yato girl and the fact that she’s smitten with you.”

Kagura peeked through her fingers. She wasn’t sure who had said it, but upon hearing the words, Okita’s expression betrayed no hint of emotion.

“It’s just a schoolgirl crush. Nothing serious,” he replied, his voice cutting through the dark--sharp like a knife’s blade and nearly as cold.  
  
Kagura pressed her back harder into the trash can, wishing she could sink and disappear into the thing. Wishing she could be anywhere else in the universe but not quite able to get away.

It was like her feet were cemented to the ground.  
  
“Ah, so crude Yato’s _aren’t_ your type?” someone asked.  
  
“No.” Okita laughed. “I’m not sure I have a type, but whatever she is definitely isn’t it.”  
  
Kagura stilled. It was like the whole fucking world was trying to kick her teeth in.  
  
“That’s too bad,” someone said. The gorilla, maybe. Kagura’s eyes were slammed shut and her heartbeat was pounding in her ears, so it was difficult to tell. “I think you two would be a good fit.”  
  
“Trust me, I’m not interested.”  
  
Kagura’s face was hot. Her fists were shaking at her sides.  
  
And when the trash cans on the curb came crashing to the ground, the vice-chief of the Shinsengumi could’ve sworn a smirk tugged at Sougo’s lips. 

…….

The backtracking began after that. The moments she’d kicked the trashcan to the curb, she’d stamped the other way and spent the next few days avoiding him.

She kept her distance on purpose. Having spent so much time stalking him made evading him rather simple.  
  
But just when she thought keeping her distance for the foreseeable future would be possible, she was out dropping off a package for Gin in Kabuki District when Okita came jogging up to her. 

“China!” he called, slowing to a stop as he came to stand in front of her. Kagura had to lift her chin to meet his eyes, wanting to punch him in the jaw simply for the fact that over the years he’d grown so… tall. The fact that he wore his crisp black jacket and white cravat meant he was working. Which meant he hadn’t come to the Kabuki District for pleasure.  
  
Her jaw shifted to one side--not that she cared.  
  
She stared back at him, the tricky fluorescents of the district playing off his Bishonen features.  
  
When it was clear that she wasn’t going to say anything, Okita shifted his weight and said, “I haven’t seen you in a while.”  
  
She nodded. “Yeah. Guess not.”  
  
“My shifts have been so… relaxing.”  
  
“Oh.” Kagura nodded her head. “Okay.” And then, because she had nothing else to say to the stupid sadist, she kept walking.  
  
Okita easily kept up with her quick strides, following as her vermillion hair popped in and out of the streetlights. When he was too frustrated by her avoiding him, Okita reached a hand out and caught her wrist.  
  
“Stop walking, China. I’m trying to talk to you.” 

She tugged her wrist free, but he held on. When he glanced down, he marveled at how a wrist so delicate could promise so much power.  
  
When he looked back up, her round, blue eyes were wide. He opened his mouth to ask why she’d stopped dropping by the park to break his ribs, but a wind raked through and tossed some of her vermillion hair around. The scent of salty sukonbu, rain and the perfume of the district threaded through it. Okita froze.  
  
A growl ripped through her throat, and Kagura tugged her arm free before storming deeper in the Kabuki District.

He wasn’t sure why, but her avoiding him annoyed him far more than when she kept appearing unannounced. This time when his hand shot out and stole her wrist, he made sure to hold on.  
  
Kagura whipped around, a fluorescent sign for noodles gleaming fire in her hair.

Okita swiped his thumb over her wrist. “Are you avoiding me?”  
  
“No.” Her teeth clenched, and then she exhaled. “Maybe.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
Some of his sandy hair fell into his eyes, and Kagura looked away. Why, indeed, she wondered. He was… detached, cold, smug.

Something was stinging her eyes. Definitely not tears. No, she was… angry, not sad. And she might’ve hesitated a beat too long because, when she looked back at Okita, he was still watching her. 

“Why were you hanging out outside the Shinsengumi compound, hiding behind trash cans?”  
  
Kagura blinked. His face was impassive as always. The only sign he was nervous was a twitch of his pinky across the hilt of his katana.

“You knew I was there?”  
  
“Of course.” His shoulders straightened. “Didn’t you hear me insulting you?”  
  
Kagura opened her mouth to yell at him, but he bent down and cut her off with a kiss. When he pulled away, a teasing glint in his red eyes, he said, “You like me.”  
  
“Whatever,” she mumbled. “Maybe I’m a masochist.”  
  
The fluorescent noodle sign flickered. He was standing so close she could count his eyelashes, smell the gunpowder on his coat.  
  
“Maybe so,” Sougo replied. His fingers slipped from her wrist to settle around her forearm, and he yanked her closer. So close that her nose nearly brushed his chest. “Maybe we should test that out…”  
  
And she smacked him, hard, and when he looked at her there was still a hint of a smile in those red eyes.

Okita laughed. “Maybe I’m the masochist.”

“No. You’re a sadist.”

“I _did_ know you had a crush on me all this time and I let you suffer…”

Kagura glared at him. In return, he grinned showing lots of teeth.

“I hate you,” she whispered. Another gust of wind blew and she stood there, debating whether she should kiss him again or punch him in the gut. When she exhaled, Kagura decided sometimes the best option was to do both.


End file.
